Uncertainty, Self-Compassion + Covid-19 Testing

 Late last night I noticed a slight tickle in the back of my throat. I was worried that I was coming down with something. More worried that I would get others sick especially if I tested positive for Covid-19.

I work at an integrated health facility + I am client facing which means that I see plenty of people in any given day. I wear a mask when I'm at work + even in my personal time when I am doing errands such as grocery shopping. 

So this morning, I called 811 HealthLink BC to see if it was recommended I get tested for Covid-19 based on my mild symptoms.

While my symptoms are mild, it was still recommended I call in sick + my next call was to my employer to let them know that I was doing my due diligence. That meant I had to get tested today + that I had to self-isolate + wait for my test results.

So today my partner + I went to a drive-in/walk-in testing site + in about 1 1/2 hours got tested. 

So how did I feel while I sat there waiting for my turn? 

Relatively calm. 

I think if anything I just wanted to get it out of the way + just do it already. But I think part of that 'relative calmness' was because I prepared myself mentally before I went to get tested. 

How? I knew that I needed to embody a sense of calmness for myself. I needed to hear in a self-compassionate voice (my voice) well-wishes of safety, health + ease. 

The practice I did was Chris Germer's 'Loving Kindness For Ourselves' audio meditation. And during that practice I said the things I felt I needed today. Well-wishes of compassion such as: 'May I be safe.' 'May I be healthy.' May I begin to live with ease'.

Note: If you are interested in this practice which I highly recommend, here is the link:

https://chrisgermer.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/GivingandReceivingCompassion21.21ckgamplified12-14-14.mp3 

What else did I learn from this experience? Honestly, that life is uncertain + that we can plan everything, with all the hope in the world to stay 'relatively safe + unscathed' by life but sometimes shit happens. Sometimes we get sick, or lose a job, or have to wait for test results. You know, that kind of shit. Shit happens.

When I was waiting for 1 1/2 hours to get tested, I just had to sit there + be with that sense of uncertainty. And I'm still there as I wait for my results. 

I'm learning over + over through embodied mindfulness that life is truly uncertain + how I respond to uncertainty + how I relate to myself while life feels uncertain makes a world of difference. 

Problems won't go away but relating in a way that is compassionate + caring helps me to see the humanity of my own life + those of others. 

So if you are reading this right now + you feel that uneasy pull of uncertainty + overwhelm. I wish you this:  'May you be safe. May you be healthy. May you begin to live with ease.'


 

 

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